Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
