You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
