if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
