She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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