Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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