uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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