I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
