You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
