I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am available for nakedness
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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