I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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