I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
