i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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