i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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