i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
