Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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