Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
