There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
