I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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