Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
