you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
