i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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