Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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