and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
