My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
