you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
