tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
