wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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