i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
