Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
PANTIES FOUND
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
