don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
