it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
