First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
