Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
