actually, I'm a sock model
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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