he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
