We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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