Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
