i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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