Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
