then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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