that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
