You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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