Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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