i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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