I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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