Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
