While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
