weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
