JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
