yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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