just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
