My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
