Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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