Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
