I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
