Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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