Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
