You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
