I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
