11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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