I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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