he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
