Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
