where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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