you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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