I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize