I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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