I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
