yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
