If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
